Life is HARD. finding your passion, your drive to keep doing something everyday can be hard and frustrating. And that's exactly how I felt a year ago.
I realized what my vision of life was for after high school was exactly what I didn't want.
The dream after high school plan:
Go to a 4 year college, get a bachelors in nursing.
Work my butt off as an aide in a hospital.
Come out experienced, tired, but in the end this would be worth it.
Flash forward one month into my first semester of nursing school, and a night shift nursing job:
Panic attacks, crying, and wondering why the heck I'm not happier then I thought I would be. Confused, because having this job was suppose to feel different, but the drive wasn't there. The need to succeed, to accomplish, and do better was absent from my life. I sat in my dorm room wondering why I wanted this, why I was there.
So I drop out of college after one semester. Feeling like a quitter and just plan old pathetic. I was comparing myself to other students that knew what they wanted, and it continued to bring me down more. But life goes on you hike up your big girl pants and you be productive, so I worked. And worked and worked.
Then one night I'm up watching youtube videos, and I find this guy with dread locks. He's decided to take on the task of videotaping his twenties. He was also in college for a short period of time and dropped out. I found myself watching as many videos as I could till I fell asleep. His videos were mostly of him talking about how he was felt about life, what he learned from taking his career into his own hands, doing what made him happy, and for some reason this really spoke to me.
What did make me happy?
1. my family & boyfriend
2. my dog
3. taking pictures
I think about this idea of taking pictures as a career for lots of time, and finally decide yes this is exactly what I want in life. I want to take pictures. I want to create and explore and pull myself out of my comfort zone.
So I do it. I spend my summer second shooting weddings, and fall in love with this mysteriously exciting career, and it's amazing. I feel accomplished and free and I feel drive. Drive to be better at this new career and to learn more about it.
Flash forward to a few days ago, and I'm watching this youtube guy again, and he ends his video with this:
I truly believe in this statement. "Your passion is something you cannot NOT do."
If you're struggling with what you want, your drive figure out what you cannot not do, and do it.